In that spirit then, here are ten very important lessons about Christmas from popular culture (spoilers throughout):
1. Your child will never be emotionally whole unless you buy all their toys in duplicate.
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My penguin is lonely. You must buy another penguin immediately.
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2. Buying chocolate is the same thing as achieving world peace.
The war would never have happened if we’d all just shopped at Sainsbury’s.
3. When buying your potential mistress a gift, make sure it’s not the same shape as your wife’s gift.
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I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death… gift-giving? No, I can’t teach you that. I’m just not very good at it. Sorry.
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4. Basically, it’s fine to be rich as long as you buy loads of stuff.
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| That’s nice of you Sir. But we are literally about to have dinner. I’ve been cooking all day. I know you think you’re being helpful. But you’re really not. |
5. Letting people know that it’s Christmas is really important.
Like, really important. If only people knew, the world would be a better place. What’s especially interesting is that for Dickens, it was really important to let rich people know it’s Christmas, and 150 years later, it’s apparently really important to let poor people know it’s Christmas. It’s an interesting shift in responsibility. Either way, the important take-home message is: if you spend some money, you’ll feel really, really good about it (see also all of the above).
6. But you can’t buy too much stuff, or Santa will end up looking like this:
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| This guy has obviously been spending too much time producing Family Guy merchandise. Or possibly Band Aid CDs.
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